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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the prodigal soldier's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
10:21 pm
Maybe I should use this thing again?
Pittsburgh's been alright, but it's really easy to not have a life and get into a terrible rut during law school. Despite the fact that you're going through mostly the same thing as another 240 people, it can get really lonely.

I'll have more before long, if I can manage to find the time.

Good night all.

Current Mood: calm

(study the past | pave the way)

Sunday, May 15th, 2005
2:54 am
don't feel like writing a whole bunch, but I realized that the most recent entry in my journal does not reflect accurately my current mood or situation. I'm much calmer now, I no longer feel like a loser, and things in general are pretty tranquil.

I feel like I've learned something significant, and I know I have, but I'm having an awful time right now trying to pin down exactly what that lesson is. The air smells nice outside too.

Current Mood: tranquil

(study the past | pave the way)

Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
1:25 pm
this keeps happening. I'm feeling like a loser because I can't seem to fulfil my own needs. What aggravates it is the fact that other people I know seem to have little to no problem with the same issue. So of course the conclusion is that there's something wrong with me.

Current Mood: frustrated

(study the past | pave the way)

Monday, May 9th, 2005
10:21 pm
this is surprisingly accurate.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

Current Mood: blah

(pave the way)

Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
2:54 am
day trip.
I'm in DC. And I'm regretting again not living here, like I always do. People love me here. All I have to do is show my face and be myself, and I have instant friends. Not to metion the fact that ths place is crawling with hot, intelligent girls, many of which will talk to me for no apparent reason, and some of which will openly comment on my alleged "hottness" within earshot.

Christ, maybe it would have been worth $150,000 in debt to go to school here for three years. . . .

Current Mood: ironic

(study the past | pave the way)

Sunday, May 1st, 2005
11:31 pm
beats the fuck out of me.
I had a dream earlier today with a very clear image of this girl. We were in someone else's house, presumably a mutual friend, or maybe at a party or something similar. I talked to her for some length about what was going on in my life in fairly vague terms, treating her as I probably would any other stranger that seemed interested. At some point when I was "done", she informed me that she used to go to High School with me, and when she said her name, it all pieced together quite clearly in my head, and I felt bad for not recognizing her.

There was no good reason for feeling bad. It's not like I knew this girl very well at all when we went to school together, or had any reason to believe we had any interest in one another's lives, but still, it's a name and a face that are familiar to me, and I feel that recognition is the least you can do for personal respect. In any case, it was strange, especially that it had such a feeling of clarity associated with it. It initiated a couple-hours-long period where I was sorting out which of my perceptions were fueled by actual experience, and which may've been "merely" dream.

Speaking of which, there's been an extremely recent development in my life that I would fully expect myself to question the reality of, were it not for the surreal and irrational turn of many events in my life lately. Eh, at least it will make waking up tomorrow possibly more interesting. . . .

Sometimes I realize just how bizzare and quirky are the events of all of our lives. I was thinking about that today while navigating a particularly curvy road at anxiety-inducing speeds. I was wondering at the incredulity of the fact that human beings are able to communicate with one another at all without massive bouts of violence and/or fits of incoherent rambling.

I think I should feel lucky that I have at least one person that will listen to me, no matter what, even if they don't neccessarily understand.

Current Mood: alone

(pave the way)

4:15 am
my fingers really hurt. I haven't played so much music in one day in probably years. One hopeful thing is that for some reason my musical sensibilities seem to have improved beyond where they were when I was younger. I'm thinking I must have exercised a related part of my brain a lot in the past few years when I wasn't playing music hardly at all. My suspicions are that it has to do with all the math I studied in North Carolina. Plenty of famous mathematicians have been amatuer musicians, and vice versa.

On another note, I really don't recall there being much of a love subplot in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Oh, and for those of you reading the Metro Pulse this week, don't believe that garbage about Sassy Ann's having the best margaritas in town. They're average, at best.


Current Mood: quiet

(study the past | pave the way)

Thursday, April 28th, 2005
8:47 pm
what is my motivation?
am I afraid to move? Am I going to go to a school that offers no courses in international and comparative law, where I would have to struggle to take language courses, and spend years of extra time gaining the additional education I desire simply because I'm dreading the effort of searching out a new place to live, and because I would miss kluggernaut terribly?

There's got to be more to it than that.

I suspect part of it is not wanting parede to see me unhappy, which I suspect I may be becoming. And it seems like the effort I've invested in Knoxville the past few months will have been a huge waste. Even though I don't see that I'm getting anything out of it now, something's been tugging at my brain telling me to just be patient.

Current Mood: apathetic

(study the past | pave the way)

Sunday, April 24th, 2005
7:24 pm
I'm still not so sure about numerology. . . .
but this has seemed pretty important to me for quite a while. Maybe there's something to it, but it seems just a little to arbitrary and just insubstantial enough that I can't get my mind around it. In any case, I want to see my friends plug their birthdays into this thing and read the results, so get to it!

Why I am fascinated with 11s (?)Collapse )

(study the past | pave the way)

Friday, April 22nd, 2005
12:04 pm
On another note. . .
kluggernaut told me last night that the Knoxville Zoo has added Beavers to the petting zoo!!!

I am totally there. As soon as this thunderstorm passes.

Current Mood: tired

(study the past | pave the way)

Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
4:27 pm
I've been a little self-satisfied lately with things like my physical shape and my ability to do productive things even though I have nothing but leisure time. As much as I get on other people about discipline and self-control, I'd better shape up myself real quick, or I'm gonna be looking like a serious hypocrite.

I probably just need a good calendar, or to pay more attention to my to-do lists.

Current Mood: headachy

(study the past | pave the way)

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
6:19 am
I woke up this morning wide awake at 0530. I have no explanation for this whatsoever except that it may be the first day in weeks that I haven't had at least two drinks within a few hours of sleeping.

I kinda wish I had something big or important or time-consuming to do today. I'd love to wake up this early when I need to drive somewhere hours away, or when I need to get more things done in a day than I can usually fit. Oddly enough, the fortune cookie I grabbed after breakfast says: "An ounce of gold cannot buy an ounce of time."

I think I'm going to read the new econ book I got from McKay's until it's light enough to fertilize the garden.

Current Mood: disoriented

(study the past | pave the way)

Monday, April 18th, 2005
10:31 pm
I'm pretty sure the box of fortune cookies is broken. It's been returning not only inane blather the last dozen or so attempts, but 80+% of the last week's fortunes have been reruns. This is all well and good however, because I'm kinda not feeling the need for oracular confirmation of my decisions any more.

On the other hand, it makes it far less exciting to consume one of my all-time favorite snacks.

Current Mood: happy

(study the past | pave the way)

Saturday, April 16th, 2005
3:44 am
the ides of April
I think today was a pretty significant point in my life. The past few months, and the time I have before returning to Professional/Graduate school in the fall I have dedicated to resolving a lot of issues that I have been carrying around in many cases since childhood, most of which contributed to the most dissapointing years of my life, and also to the less-than-satisfactory marriage I embarked upon a spare few years ago.

I talked with two very wise women today, one of whom I never gave enough to, and one whom I offered too much, too soon. This combination of events made me realize how much more serious and focused i need to be if I intend to accomplish what I wish between now and August.

Of course, I also need remember that measuring my progress against others has never worked well for me. As long as the effort is right, and the direction is true, I should be content. But discipline requires vigilance when you enjoy leisure as much as I.

Current Mood: contemplative

(study the past | pave the way)

Friday, April 15th, 2005
12:14 pm
I knew I was suth'rn.

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

45% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

Current Mood: smiley

(pave the way)

Monday, April 11th, 2005
10:09 pm
*pshew!* It's been a while!
and mostly things are mostly great. Life is going forward and situations are well under hand. I really have not the time nor the motivation for details right now, but maybe something remarkable will happen soon.

granted, my idea of "remarkable" has changed significantly in the past few weeks. . . .

Current Mood: cheerful

(study the past | pave the way)

Monday, April 4th, 2005
5:11 pm
damn it.
I feel like a fucking angsty teenager again. Cell phones have completely redefined the idea of waiting by the telephone for someone to call. Is my self-esteem really this damned fragile?

edit: (by the way, this post has nearly nothing to do with the immediately previous bitchy one. It's just a kinda amusing coincidence.)

Current Mood: aggravated

(pave the way)

Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
5:04 am
I had something profound and significant to say about this subject earlier, but now I mostly don't remember it.

All that I do remember is that it's fucking difficult.

Current Mood: irritated

(pave the way)

Thursday, March 31st, 2005
7:03 pm
wow, a little more of that these days, and my life may actually be easier to handle! Anyway, I just got notified that I will not be granted admission to the George Washington University School of Law for next year. That's fine, I had mostly given up on the idea of that school anyway, but it's interesting to gague the kind of selectivity schools have these days. I seriously thought I'd have no problem gaining admission anywhere I had applied, with the possible exception of U of Washington, which already rejected me.

In any case, I also got a "reminder" today that seat deposits are due by 15 April for U of Pittsburgh. That gives me a grand total of two weeks to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life significantly. Seems like UT should have been back with me by now. . . .

Current Mood: enthusiastic

(study the past | pave the way)

10:26 am
Middle Tennessee State Universe
I drove out to see my brother yesterday, it being one of his last few days here before returning to Iraq for another few months. We drove into Nashville yesterday afternoon where I proceeded to spend way too much money, but at least got a sweet pair of linen pants that makes me remember it's summer, or, well, not winter anymore. We made fun of lots of people at the mall, and my sister-in-law got some really sweet maternity jeans that made all the other pregnant ladies in Nashville jealous, all at the same time!

After dinner and wandering around the house while the artsy people were making new art, my brother, my sister-in-law, her sister and I went to a little bar across from MTSU campus that was having "Salsa Night." I forgot how much I love that music! Even though the best I can do is mostly fake the dancing, at least I move better than the average white dude, and when people talk me into doing it I don't look like a complete idiot. So I drank lots of Dos Equis with salt and lime, despite the fact that they had $2 drafts (It just wasn't right to drink Guinness in that atmosphere), and, yes, i did wiggle my white butt around a lot and I think I'm actually getting the hang now of how this Salsa thing goes. I may just have to track such a thing down in Knoxville soon.

Anyway, that's not all. The aforementioned sister not only knows what's going on at this particular bar, but is versed on the events all over this little town, so, when we got kinda bored around 1 am, we wnet to another place that had karaoke! After 3 hours of beer and dancing, it wasn't nearly as hard to talk me into singing on stage as it was to get me into the initial dancing frame of mind. So, yes, I displayed my "talents" in the singing arena as well last night, in the presence of whiskey, water, and at least one Irish Car Bomb. Hmmn, it just occurred to me how appropriate it may have been that I sang at least one song by an Irish band. . . .

Then we came home, made various fried sandwiches, and watched Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle on DVD. Good stuff. : )

The best part (in retrospect) is that I'm up in the morning and I feel neither sick nor headachy. I'm grateful, but why are my reactions to drinking so strangely inconsistent? oh, I'm coming back today, there's plans that need carrying out, and a rockin' fun show to attend tonight. I'll see (some of) y'all then. bye!

Current Mood: Murfreesburrowed

(study the past | pave the way)

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